Lovely silver bitch goddess queen
That cat liked to sleep on my side of the bed
Because it was her place before I came and
because she knew Steve wanted her closer to him
and I said I wanted her to move away and give me more space
and that way she could be both contrary and sought after
and petted muchly from all sides, because she knew,
even when I grumbled, I liked it
when she graced me with her divine presence and comforting purr.
And I moved carefully when I turned over
so as not to disturb Her Royal Highness
though I always denied taking extra care.
Once in a great while if Steve wasn't there,
she would sit briefly on my lap
while she let herself be petted and scritched
till she got bored but she'd always skitter
off to a respectable distance
the second she heard him opening the door.
Somehow I mostly convinced her
to stop drinking out of my water glass on the bedside table
and to stop biting me hard enough
to draw blood when she was suddenly done with petting.
So she really must've liked me, but
I still could never get her to stop
using my altar for napping on.
Knowing eyes, quiet penetrating stare
filled with patient reproach or grave compassion
or mild disappointment or general pissiness
or just mystery... and that cat always knew,
damn her, what you were thinking and sometimes
I had to look away because meeting that stare
Made me feel revealed, like I was supposed to be
Someone else or more me than I am.
I could see too much of myself
in her eyes for comfort and she would be
so still sometimes when she stared.
She eyed down the other cats,
even the one bigger and stronger than she.
She won cat fights with the younger neighbor cats.
Her breath often smelled of mice and birds.
She could fight.
Sometimes when I was sad or sick,
she would sit a few inches nearer
to me than usual on the bed,
quite companionably.
Stepping with quick even steps
purposefully trotting across the yard to her favorite sunny spots
her ample tummy wobbles and bounces a bit
She had white fur there if ever she deigned
to let you see her that close with her belly exposed,
a white oval with pink bare nipples starting to show
as she grew old.
I've known for a while now
She was really getting old.
I wish I could've petted you once more
To say goodbye.
Lovely silver bitch goddess queen
Curled up in the sun, the still curves of her
melodic like a perfectly timed pause in the beat
Silver blue fur glowing glowing
like flowing molten metal just starting to cool,
like a soft smooth layer of warm dust in a seldom-used room
covering something old and delicate and long cherished.